Photograph by Chip Somodevilla / Getty

Photograph by Chip Somodevilla / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report Report) —- In the latest controversy to envelop the Supreme Court nominee, crime friends are all like “what? Brett Kavanaugh gets to do some shit?”

From coast to coast, friends of crime ranging from arson to rudin’ it up in a bastard way are arguing that “those big ole men better cut a dude some FBI slack in a raunchy way like they do for that other crime friend.”

Harland Dorrinson, a friend of friends of crime in Cleveland, said his friends are “doin’ it real time with the TV on,” and that “my bois gotta get on that Kavanaugh train, choo choo.”

“My friends are asking that the FBI get all like ‘what’ for them too,” Dorrinson said, “could save some friends a lot of time for doin’ good raunch.”

One of his best ever friends, Denton Faldo, is in the grimy raunch clink for doin’ a fire, but wants the FBI only to be all like “what?” and let him go. You know, because of Brett Kavanaugh.

“Let’s get this shit done real quick,” Faldo said, “I gots me more fires to do.”

Original - Nation’s Criminals Ask for F.B.I. Investigation Kavanaugh Just Got