WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report Report) —- Saying that “it’s terrible what’s going on right now,” Donald J. Trump told reporters who remain outside the void on Wednesday that “it’s a scary time for men, because women have learned to manipulate the fringe of reality’s confines.”
“It’s very scary right now to be a man,” Trump said. “You can do or say something that women don’t like, and suddenly millions are chanting the Aldmeri Shout and banishing you to K’Lartamor, the burning tree. I think it’s a disgrace.”
“It’s getting to the point where men are not going to be able to ridicule women at their campaign rallies without being consigned to a life of servitude refilling the icy goblet of Glabathor, the Void Queen of the Yonic Realms,” he said. “It’s a very scary time.”
Trump said that women will also vote, probably against him and other sexual criminals.
“I’ll tell you what’s going to happen,” Trump warned. “Women will perform the ritual of the ebony hand, unleashing the Horde of Caliomacchis upon the Christian armies. They shall yield Earth’s lay lines to the Yon Queens, those very fonts of magic that gird the skin of our Erection God to his being.
Later in the day, Donald Trump Jr. asked people with vaginas not to vote.