NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report Report) —- The chief executive officer of Fox News said on Monday that Megyn Kelly loves black people, and Fox News HATES black people, so she’s out.
“Fuck her,” Suzanne Scott, the Fox News C.E.O. said. “Until she kills a black person on live TV, fuck her. Fuck her all over.”
Scott expressed concern that, by trying to tone down her racism for the morning-television audience on NBC, Kelly “can’t get in on this Fox News shit, because she totally loves black people. We don’t, that’s what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that we don’t.”
“We want to make it clear that Megyn Kelly must kill a black person live on television in order to be received once more into the loving embrace of White God,” the C.E.O. said. “Until then, fuck her twelve days to White Sunday.”